Mar 30, 2020
There was this time in your life where you were at this major rock bottom before you started your way back up. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
I was working for about three weeks in Toronto and during that time, I don't know what hit me, I was just, I didn't feel like I had any direction in my life, I felt like I wasn't getting anything that I wanted out of my life and I feel like I was just working for just working to please everybody else except for myself, and I got home.
And this was towards the end of September, beginning of October, and I remember I summer it so vividly, I had got home pulled into my dry way being gone for three weeks and my husband is my husband at the time, had come up to see me and he hugged me, and it just felt off, it felt different, it did, it felt like there was nothing there, and one after that, I realized at that, Okay, something needs to happen. Because I realized in that moment that I had so much of my happiness, invested and it was dependent on him and how he was treating me and it was at that time I reached out to my friend, Kim freeze.
I had a free session with earlier in the year, and she does something old transformational therapy, which I know I talked to you, you know a little bit about it's a combination of hip it therapy, and see before cognitive to go to be here for therapy.
And I reached out to her, I immediately got a package to start working with her, and I'm so glad I did cause it's funny, how these things kind of work out within two weeks of me working with her, my husband at the time, two weeks after I started. Working with her, he said, "I am no longer in love with you and I wanted to worse.
Wow, not move in a timing to have it not.
We were in to have that come up at the same time.
It was just two weeks. So we had had our first hypnotherapy session, together, and the biggest focus, that we were having at that time is being good enough.
And the hypnosis audio that I had received was around worthiness. I'm good enough, I like myself, I love myself. It was very, very basic, but something that's so profound that I feel like, especially as women. We don't think about until we actually start working on it.
And I really believe I really still to this day, believed that if we hadn't started that work two weeks prior, if I would have gotten that news like I did from my X it really, really would have broken me because I was already in a point when, yes, it broke my heart, but I had already started doing that work, I had already started working on journaling working. I'm figuring out what I really wanted and working with him to really understand that. I already have everything within me to be happy and all it takes is recognizing that I am really of that that I can love myself and that I don't need anybody else to be happy.
I think that's so amazing that it was two weeks into your journey with her and you got just that enough.
That's the one thing I keep wanting to focus on when I trust my client, and talk with people like sometimes it's not, it doesn't take rioting it's just getting that foundational piece of I’m an AP or realizing you don't think you're enough to put that in our work in.
And that moment that he told you that he was in a longer love with you. Well, where did you go from there?
Oh man, well, as you know, I'm sure, 'cause you've been on this journey to... It's something that's consistent and it's something that you have to continue to do and that you have to continue to work on. And so I continue my work with Kim. I continued to focus on exactly what I wanted and the direction that I wanted to go and it was from there at the beginning of at the beginning of all this, the beginning of the the divorce process, the beginning of him telling me I'm not under in love with you. And I wanted, divorce, there was a part of me, even though I was going through at the start of the journey that I was like, Oh, no, no, no, no, just... You watch. This is a marriage. We're sticking together. No, I'm gonna fix this, 'cause we're always like we need to fix this. What I was always like, "What did I do wrong? I need to fix something when really I didn't need to fix anything at all.
Yeah, I had to recognize I didn't need to fix anything at all. And slow slowly, and then it started rapidly almost like a domino. If I recognized that as I was on this journey that he had his own issues, and I mean I don't need to get into that 'cause that's him, but I recognize that we were still going into two different directions that all it took was me recognizing my worth and how much that I need to love myself and focus on myself to realize that I was working for his dreams, I was working for his happiness and not my own. And that's not something that's healthy, that's not a healthy relationship. And I say this to my my boyfriend now that I've told him, "You don't need me to be happy, I don't need you to be happy. But we do enhance each of those lives and making sure that I can make it to... There's a so much better, but we don't need each other to be happy. My previous marriage, it was not like that. So yeah, so to go from that super people-pleasing, it kind of sounds like a little co-dependence. I don't know how to understand that. Oh yeah, yeah, I colored that. How I'm sorry, what you broke it, there was this time you had with that and in that time, you were able to break free with the journaling and the inner work and all of that kind of stuff. Was there something that switched off fast, did it feel like?
A lot of internal time cause I know that something I had struggles with. A lot of people have struggles with it have come into my space and sometimes I wanted it to be fast for me, I didn't take it took way longer than two paces, I, the two weeks was just the initial, I think it was just the initial thing and I think that's something to anyone listing is that something important to realize in the two weeks that that work was taking place? I think it only helped the situation that I had been my life got so disrupted and so I think the... What little work I did in two weeks helped that disruption not completely break me.
However, this entire process, it was daily.
Two stents action, and it wasn't anything big. It started off as something as listening to his. And it started off as something as simple as reflecting, reflecting throughout my day, which is actually something and a part of a methodology that I have for a membership that I know once this launch is going to the sales are gonna be starting for it. I have a membership. It's wanting for entrepreneurs, and part of the methodology is exactly what I developed during this time. As a simple reflection.
It's asking me, I asked myself every single night What went well in my day, what did go well, and what could I do better moving forward.
I focused on what I did do well because a lot of times I feel like I was in a negative state of mind and I felt like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't get anything done today or nothing went well today.
And so focusing on that made me realize, I think it is done today and I did do some good stuff. What didn't go well? Because it's important to know where you are to know where you wanna go, and then what can I do better moving forward, and that setting up my Action Plan for the very next day. And I did that consistently every single day for months and it was something so simple yet so profound because it allowed me to see when I was journaling, where... Like my pitfalls were where some emotional triggers were what things were going on in my day that we're gonna cause me to feel a certain way or not focus on myself.
And so, in doing that, I was able to become more disciplined become more productive, be more accountable to myself and then in turn work towards the goals that I actually wanted, versus always working for somebody else's goals like my partners.
One of those big dreams that you had when you were working forward? For me, I like to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, I... What was it something that you were missing that you really wanted in your life?
I am a big business entrepreneur nerd and there was a mastermind that I wanted to be a part of, and any time I wanted to do anything that was... Any amount of money I had found my axis saying, Where is the money gonna come from or... Oh, this seems like a lot of money. Do we really need to be spending the money on that? And during that time, because we were getting divorced, everything was split right?
And so there was a mastermind wanted to be a part of it was 2000 at the time, I was very invested also, and I still am in reading personal development books, so I was actually reading it was a book by Jean. Zero. You're a bad-ass at making money. And I was like, "I need to come up with this money, and within 24 hours of me deciding that I wanted to come up with that money I came up with the 2000 that's a tenth.
You know what, that comes from the people as talk about. Oh, manifesting. When you are in a headspace, where you love yourself, you know, you're worth, you know what you're capable of and then you have your mind fixated on a goal, you can come up with it quickly, you can get to that goal quickly.
And so what I found during this time working towards that money or some of the other goals that I had written down, is that I at one point before a lot of other stuff happened.
I had made a goal another long-term goal that I had was to get out of or to be able to get my ex out of the house and I wanted to keep the house and pay for everything, and I was able to come up with a budget and basically make up the lost income that I wouldn't have from him. I was able to figure all of that. I would make it up within about a one that's a superpower, I honor sharing with your audience and your masterminds and your membership groups and stuff like that, because that's a true gift to be able to do.
Thank you, and I'm sure there was a lot of learning behind that. So in being able to set your mind on that one goal, how did you work towards that? Because that's a huge... Losing half of your income, it's still coming up with all your housing costs. And then being able to go to the seminar at the same time, how did you work towards that big goal?
So I mean, really, and when I teach within my community, and the people that I work with one-on-one, the action steps that you need to take they're gonna be different for everybody, 'cause everyone has different goals at its core. I boiling down to those three questions that I asked myself every single night number one, and it was the... Well, what didn't go well, what can I do better moving forward, and then I also owe it to the three-step methodology process that I've developed for helping entrepreneurs perform better in their businesses.
So there's face-one, to what I call your discovery phase, which considers it sounds like very science and methodical but really it's not, I mean it is, but it's not, it's collecting information it's collecting data, it's really looking at, Okay, it's journaling even, it's saying, Okay, how am I spending my time throughout the day?
Because a lot of us, I'm still like this, and I'm sure you've noticed it. There's certain pockets of our days where we're spending time doing something that's not productive, right?
Okay, so it's gathering that data. It's looking at Where am I not spending my time productively when am I not? It's looking at what are my emotional triggers if I am reflecting at the end of a day, at the end of the day and I'm like, "Hey I had not as a productive day today. Is there a reason behind that? Did I allow someone to actually be in control of my own emotions, as an of Leben in control of my emotions?
And so that's phase one, it's getting all that information as to I have is testing different things that work.
So, the one issue that I have found with a lot of what I call performance coaches, is they give you one set system, they tell you one certain way to do a certain thing and not... We are not cookie cutter people.
What works for what works for you? Jennifer is not going to necessarily work for me. It might, but it might not. And put everyone in one box and say This is one system, one methodology, this is exactly what's gonna work for you is bananas. So this testing and refining phase is saying, Okay, so I do better? It's SAN it's even simple things. Do I do better-writing things down or do I do big things better digitally?
What can I do to be more disciplined in is it giving myself some type of reward system is it being accountable to somebody? It's asking ourselves these questions and then committing to testing these things out, to see what works and what doesn't work. Also reflecting and then the third phase is a solution-phase where you continue to see what works, you continue to do it, you continue to reflect on it and then this process becomes cyclical in the sense that you then go back to this discovery phase, and you continue this process you continue to refine and you contended continue to be better. And that's exactly what I did.
That's an amazing room that you're able to come up with these A solution. It's not a cookie "Kidston but it is a solution that can fit most people, in it because it's so fluid for your specific needs.
So moving forward, not that I... Now you've risen as I like to, I like to say, I've risen from the ashes 'cause someones we have to burn it all down to build it all back up. Now, what are you doing now? What am I doing? Wow, oh my gosh, my life is I have this quote right now. I feel like that I'm continually saying it, it's just What is my life right now because I did all of this work. It's been for the past six months or so. Now, this inner work to love myself, know my worth, Know what I want, go after what I want to get disciplined move more towards my own goals, and what I want, and my life is just feeling so crazy right now, I literally feel like I am dreaming with my eyes open. I'm watching my paid community. I have a free Facebook community for entrepreneurs called The Pinnacle party pad that is growing, I am doing things that I love, I'm living in Florida, closer to my family, which I absolutely love as in this recording, I am leaving in about eight days to go to Europe to spend 28 days with my boyfriend and he paid for my flights.
What is my life?
I just got invited to speak at a retreat that's happening later on this year. I'm speaking to you. Hello, it's so crazy. The SEC. It was like, I'm so thankful and proud of myself that I made this decision to move forward and actually do something about my life, and I think I really had to hit that point we were talking about, I know we kind of discuss this.
It was almost like, I don't think that everybody has to have some type of Pivotal low point moment necessarily, to make a change, but for me, that is so thankful that I made the decision to move forward when I did, when I did, hit that low point, because it changed everything. I can't even imagine where I would be today. Had I not done that work had not reached out to him had I not been disciplined enough to go through hypnotherapy to develop the methodology that I did, and then follow it in day-to-day is the stressful stuff that happens. Yes, is there still stuff with my divorce and my ex, I'm dealing with... Yes, you know that we've talked privately about that, but it's like when I actually look at this and I do have a gratitude practice too, which is, I think it also helps. I look at this and I'm like, My life is just, it's made up of things that I had dreamed of and now the becoming rarity and it's so cool.
All because you decided to put yourself first.
Yeah, I really believe, and I've said this to people that I've coached, and people within my community that the biggest lesson that I have learned in life, and that I've learned in the past six months, is that being selfish is one of the most selfless things that you can do if you are somebody that loves people if you are somebody that loves to serve other people understand that being selfish is one of the best things that you can do to serve other people.
Oh, I'm 100% on board. When you love yourself, no relationship can actually work in a healthy manner, unless you have a relationship with yourself.
I mean, yes.
So I also wanna bring up, you mentioned your new membership which at the time this is airing it is live and open for people to join, and it has this methodology in it, that we were just looking about. Can you tell a little bit more about that community?
So it is called the pad or the pad, P standing for a productivity accountability and discipline. It is for entrepreneurs, mainly for entrepreneurs who are making under 10-000 a month. And really, it's for... And I have found with people that I've worked with, we all know exactly, especially these individuals who would be the best fit for this group and for this community that you know exactly what you need to be doing in your business, but you just feel stuck and you keep getting after yourself and you feel like you're just hitting a wall continually, not knowing what you...
Not knowing how to move forward, you already know how to do your branding, you do know how to do marketing, you already know how to be active on social media, but for whatever reason, there's a reason why you're getting stuck and so you think that you need a performance coach and and you do... However, what a lot of these performs coaches, I discuss don't address are the emotional issues that come with the only business inventors and moving forward. And so with my methodology through that data collection, the reflection and testing and refining and finding solutions we move through a lot of the emotions, a lot of the mindset blocks that happened when you try to improve your performance as an entrepreneur and how hot comes back to loving yourself.
Yeah, that was really, really fun is good, yeah, do anyone feels good and giving yourself grace? That is a huge, huge... I feel like we far to... After we put so many, we put such huge expectations on ourselves and we are not kind to ourselves, definitely not as kind... Kind, as we could be, that's for sure. I know that's something I do, I do myself before I really... So I'm guilty of that too. It's a work in progress, right?
That's the human experience is what I like to call it, is it was all perfect. That would be boring yeah.
So if you could leave everyone with one giant negate the one thing, if they don't take anything else away from this interview, what would be the one thing you want people to remember?
So I already said it be selfish, if you are, if you're listening to this and you are somebody who is saying "I can't possibly treat myself, I can't possibly get myself that gift, I can't possibly take a vacation or Take some time to myself away for my kids. I highly challenge that and see how much more capable Le to serve yourself, your family, others that you love simply by being selfish because being selfish is one of the most selfless things that you can do.
So I think to look and it's all about low. So then I, my room of things.
Well, I wanna thank you so much for taking your time today sharing your story, 'cause I know that sometimes sharing your story isn't always fun, but I appreciate that so much, and I'm really excited about your new membership community, and you definitely need to get into her free community. 'cause I'm in there and every week I put in my little... This is what I'm doing this week, and you will do it. She's gonna remind you.
Yeah, I like to think that I'm a butt-kicker, but I'm a gentle, but very nice about it, it is very nice. I had some people I'd been in some groups but it's a little harsh and you're like, "Oh I kind of feel a little bad, but it's very supportive and I'm enjoying being in there and it's a great space, it's helping me grow and be accountable for my own stuff.
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